Covid Castles
It's been about 4 months since I spoke to Mind. It's been that long since I really wrote anything of any substance. Well… that's not entirely true, I wrote a pretty good piece on racism I am pretty proud of. But, in contrast to my other writing… it was lackluster. And that's ok. Our talk about my shadow happened during an acid trip, only 2 tabs but that was enough to shut me down for a while. In my head, my "negan" is still locked away and I'm still guarding the door… but from a distance. I can hear his quips and jabs, but they're not 'with me' all the time.
Lately though… Lately I seem to be asking him for help. The world we are creating is no place for a man without demons.
In the short time since my last entry, the world as I knew it has gone completely to shit. When the history books are written, the year 2020 will go down as the greatest cluster fuck of all time. Every day, literally every single day has been an exercise in maintaining some semblance of civility and compassion. The middle has never been as lonely as it has been this last few months.
Oddly enough, the middle doesnt feel like the middle anymore. It feels like I've picked a side and it's the losing side. I step back and look at all of it, I soak up as much of the big picture and my tiny brain can process and...I've chosen a side and it will lose.
I keep coming back to the Arhiman concept, over and over. Looking around and the pain and chaos we keep creating and...they want this. It's really easy to say "The Left" or "The Right", but globally, those terms do not begin to encompass the magnitude of consensus. The vast majority of people do not want to think or feel independently. I've watched people ask for shackles my whole life. I've done it myself, taken on things that weren't mine to wear. Obligations, debts, guilts… I think that is human. Part of the process. That however is a far cry from what I see unfolding before my eyes.
Every week for 5 consecutive months there has been a clear cut, iron-clad, undisputable example of how broken everything is. For 5 straight months, there has been a non stop barrage of evidence to support the futility of all of it… and they just keep going. It has become abundantly clear to me that the religious sect of the "conspiracy theorists" were correct… kinda. If you are not familiar with conspiracy theories, outside of the drivel posted on social media, then this concept is… odd. The idea is that behind all of it, the 'man behind the curtain' is actually a kabal of "satanists" whose goal is to maintain life on this plane. If you take it literally, then satan is sitting in hell giving orders to his demons which are passed along to us, with the sole intention of keeping man so mired in chaos and bullshit, so lonely and afraid that he cannot talk to Mind. Fear and rage are a motherfucker.
For years, decades, they have been screaming at the top of their lungs that we were all following the piper into hell. In a way… they were right. A lot of them got hung up on terms like "heaven" and "demons"... literal terms and ideas. But they weren't wrong. We are desperately grasping at... existence.
We are so attached to the material…collectively, we’ve agreed to do literally anything, anything at all to not face death. The layers of bullshit and nonsense committed to maintaining that delusion…truly astonishing. Behind each layer, the architects are better and better compensated for their contributions. Every layer as you peel it back… the depravity and cruelty becomes more and more profound… The more fear and deception you are willing to create, the better the perks get. You don’t have to be a dealer in this sadistic game, you can acquiesce. That has perks too…In fact it seems to be the prefered seat at this particular table. If you just shut up and pretend… if you just go along then you are given all the mediocrity you can ever enjoy.
"A man’s home is his castle"...people don’t really talk like that anymore, but when i was a kid it was a pretty common phrase. Seems innocent enough right? Nice sentiment? I used to think so…
I see it differently now. The king doesn’t leave his castle unless it’s to take another castle. The king is a prisoner in a cage of his own making. When you tell a man that he is a king in his home…looking at it now, that’s the most insidious concept one could possibly imagine. That sentiment makes every man a prisoner of his home. I look around… generations of men and women who were raised to believe that… this is it. This is all there is. These shitty little castles…
