Trust is a verb
Trust is a verb. It's an action. You cannot "break" an action. You can stop action, but you cannot break one.
People say things like "my trust is broken" or "you broke my trust"... Dramatic ways of saying "I don't trust".
Mind you, I didn't say "I don't trust, you."
What is trust? What is the action of trusting? Well... Put simply it's allowing the self to be in harm's way under the agreement (rarely spoken) that the exposure will not be harmful.
Let's say you're going skydiving, you "trust" the guy stuffing your pack to be conscientious and apt in that task.
If you're at the Dr, you're trusting him or her to give you the best medical advice they can. There are literally hundreds of little micro trusts we perform every day.
Those little acts of trust are like taking the stairs VS using the elevator. Little acts that keep the muscle engaged, so in the event you need it... You can use it. Have you ever tried to run after a long time without exercise? That shit sucks.
Trust is no different. You can, if you choose, completely atrophy the trust muscle. You can isolate yourself from common interactions. You can double-check and second guess every aspect of your life. Have you ever seen someone put on a seat belt then tug on it just to "make sure"? If you choose not to trust, you don't have too.
Where am I going with this?
All of us have been lied too, abused, used.. mislead. If you haven't, just wait for it. Some of us chalk that up to the game. It’s life experience, painful examples of what not to do next time. But some of us…some of us learned a completely different lesson. Some of us learned that trust is power. Some of use learned that trust is a tool for gaining/maintaining control and it doesn't have to be reciprocated.
There are a lot of people walking around abusing the action of trust. I’m not talking about liars and thieves. I'm talking about those people in your life who... You wish could "get over it". Whatever it was that made them so suspicious.
That friend or family member who questions every action. The one who asks questions with the skill of an interrogator. That one person who... No matter what, finds the flaw in your behavior and holds to that as an example of your overall untrustworthiness.
Can't relate? Really?
Have kids? How many times has your partner second-guessed your parenting? Even checks to see if the kid(s) are still alive when they come home?
No kids? How about that "harmless" peek over your shoulder to see who you're texting?
How bout at work? The boss/Co-worker who needs to be copied in everything... "just in case".
I'm sure, if you're being honest, there's at least one person in your immediate circle who fucks with your trust muscle. He/she creates an environment where you are on the defensive with little to no recourse.
That person, whoever it is... That person is one of those people who tug on the seat belt. That's a person who's trust muscle has atrophied. They don't use it.
Which... Would be fine. You don't really have too. In the 1st world of 2020, you don't have to do anything.
We've created a society that makes living that way... Simple.
Background checks and social media reviews take the work out of it. You don't have to trust anything or anyone... It's optional.
So... Free advice from a guy on the internet.
When you trust someone, when you commit mental and or emotional energy into the safety and wellbeing of another person while opening yourself to injury... and they return that with doubt, skepticism, ridicule or suspicion, know you're dealing with a person who doesn't want to trust.
They like not using that muscle. They talk a good game, they say the right things, they seem sincere... But just like a person with a gym membership they don't use, it's just talking. The reality is they do not want to trust. They don't want to use that muscle. And if you are willing to continue trying to “earn” trust… you are doing all the work. Family, friends, lover or coworker… the title of that person is irrelevant. You are opening yourself to mental/emotional injury for the sake of their laziness… their cowardice.
Don't enable them. Don't waste time and energy trying to "earn" or "build" trust...You cannot earn or build actions.
You're ice-skating uphill.
